Saturday, September 20, 2014

22


Once upon a time, I didn't even actually guess that I'll get tagged, but things happened. So yeah, I have been tagged to the recently popular "20 Things About Me" on Instagram but since I don't want to post any photo on my IG, I moved it here. And since 20 is close to 22, I'll do 22 things then. Just consider the plus 2 as bonus, so here we go.


1. My favorite number is absolutely not 4 8 15 16 23 42 hahaha, it is 8, 18 and ultimately 22, taken from my birthday date, so that's the reason I made this to be "22 Things About Me"

2. Sometimes I can be way too personal. That's one of another reason why I decided to not talking in Social Media too much, and write these things on my blog. Hey, people ain't read blog that much, right?


3. I love US Series. Have tried several recently like FWBL, Devious Maid, Law & Order, NCIS, CSI, True Blood, Revenge, Grey's Anatomy, 90210, Heroes, the slightly funny TBBT and even the breathtaking LOST, but none has the ability to ever defeat the after-more-than-3-times-rewatch-of-every-episode-but-still-the-most-awesome-of-all HIMYM



4. Ironically, as hard as I have given myself a shot onto watched Full House, Boys Before Flower, all that stuff, I couldn't like it even a bit. Yes, I don't prefer the Korean Series.

5. So yeah, US movies make a lot more sense to me, that's when I love 500 Days of Summer and Inception.



6. The thing that I like other than watch great movies, is to sing. That's why I love Karaoke so much.

7. I am very much into western music, the music you like to hear in radio right now they call it as a new song, sorry man it has been on my previous month playlist.

8. Speaking of music, I am a die hard fans of Justin Timberlake. I mean, who can beat an awesome successful guy full of talent, great dance with a classy sleek style and a nice suit and tie






9. And by mentioning the nice suit, it's not going to be complete without mentioning the guy who invented the catchphrase "Suit Up!" Yes, Barney Stinson, you are 100% awesome.


10. If I can have my own catchphrase, It would be "When life gives you lemon, give it to other people. Because you don't like to eat fruit." Or else we can say it's a quote, if it's too long to be a catchphrase.

11. So you heard me, I don't like fruit, juice or whatever product based on natural fruit. But it is fine by me if it's just the extract which came through some sort of chemical process.

12. I don't like vegetable either, eventhough I can still eat it if it is well hidden in my food.

13. But hey, I can have an Ovo-Lacto Vegetarian as my diet program. I love egg and cheese and milk big enough to make them as my only menu to eat everyday.

14. In the contrary to what I have just said, I have too much love for McD beef burger and fries as well, so then the diet program has always been a tough one for me.

See? How can you refuse it, right?

15. Which bring us to one of my biggest fear: getting fat (again).

16. Oh yeah, I have ever been a fat girl in the past, twice.

17. That might happened because I don't really like sports.

18. I don't really like sports doesn't mean I don't do it. The times I do sport, I prefer to play the workout game on my PS named Dance-Dance Revolution and jumped a lot.


Hell yeah that's my score

19. Going to gym and swimming regularly are two of my resolution that haven't come up to be a reality.

20. Since the number will be finished soon, I have to say that I love Design as much as I love Marketing Communication right now.

21. And that Dufan is the greatest place ever created on earth.

22. Finally, I type all of these posts, and in fact, all the Shorts that I have always been loved to write, by a qwerty keypad on my BB.



Sunday, August 24, 2014

The Ringbacks


"Congratulations, you are our 1000th customer. We give you 2 hours free Karaoke session at room 307. Please follow our staff to the room, thank you"

Rey took a glance out of his cellphone for a while, couldn't believe of what he has just heard. He never got that much luck before. He didn't even know about that promotion. It's not that he couldn't afford to rent a room. He usually came here to have some nice drinks and Karaoke session at the bar. It's cheaper. But who cares, as long as it's free.

"Here we are, sir, please." The karaoke staff opened a high wooden door with 307 metal plate number's hanging in there. "Please come in, enjoy your time."
The Karaoke staff smiled and allowed him to come in.

And that door was the last thing he cannot remember.

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Sarah Wilson, October 2013, Chicago
UBS Tower Building

Her shoe dropped down the building. She couldn't believe she had reached this point. Fear, anger, guilt all blend into one. Sarah had at last, here already at the top of UBS Tower. This was the time to end this. Let all this pain went away. She stepped her foot to the emptiness of air, prepared to take the leap. The cold wind crawled behind her neck, little by little, strangled her. And the slight tremble came out of control in all part of her body as she tried to step forward. She breathed deeply, like it was for the last time. The tears started to fill her eyes in, broke it into a thousand pieces, blurred her sight out. This was the time..
The chest pain was real. The burden got heavier. No she wasn't ready. She stepped her foot back. It felt like something held her back. Someone watched her behind. She turned her head back.

"Sarah, please! Go out of there! For the love of God, would you? Please?!"

"Josh! What are you doing here? Why do you even think of coming back? Go Away!" shouted Sarah with her eyes full of tears

"Please can you come back here for a while. Sarah I beg you, please! Don't go this way."

“But for what in the world, I would have to live anymore? Josh! I gave up everything! My parent, my career! All so that I could be with you! D**n it Josh!" And with that word, all the tears started to break out of her defense, she couldn't bear it any longer.

"You know, I just ask you one thing! One thing! No shut it!" She added quickly "I know what you were gonna say, but long distance won't work, Josh! No it won't! And after all that I have sacrificed to be with you! I don't want to be the one who sacrificing myself all over again. So here, I make this sacrifice for the last time. And all these pain, all these big mistake that I had thrown my life away, has to end!" She continued with uncontrollably sob.

"No Josh, now just tell me that you won't go to Virginia again. Tell me you will quit the CIA, tell me you'll never leave again! You call them now!" Shouted Sarah hysterically. She shrugged her cellphone.

"Here, I'll call the CIA, I'll go tell them, but please would you go inside first Sarah, please!"

"I love you Josh" She stepped behind, moved back, came inside the window.

"I love you Sarah"

Afterall, she wasn't ready.

-------------------------------------------


Reynold Mckenzie, June 2014, Missouri
Pacsetter Electronic Inc

He breathed deeply, felt relieved. From now on, everything’s fine, everything would always be fine. With the proud on his face, he stared at his balance on the ATM receipt. He officially had his first permanent job, he had his life back on track at last. All these fears and insecurities had ended already. All the random jobs, he did it to collect some money. He finally had settled. Reminded of all the dark times when he barely even ate, lived alone in the roadside, had no education. Now he was living in a small flat, happily in a relationship and has a settled job.

"Hey kid, answer me?" Rey awoke from his deep thought, apparently didn't hear anything said before.

"I am sorry sir, I'm Reynold, Pacsetter operator for today, could you please repeat your complain?"

"Yes, so here, this cellphone hasn't work for at least the past 3 days, but I am in a hurry. So can I leave it here and I'll get back, umm, let's say tomorrow to take back my cellphone, Reynold?"

"Okay, I'll try to take a look at it first, see what I can do to fix this. Here, I made you the receipt, you can show this when you want to grab your cellphone tomorrow. I'll try to fix this as soon as I can." Reynold gave the receipt and got back to the counter. He took the cellphone, opened its casing and examined every little part of it. The electronic device was one of his expertise lately. He used to take a lot of different job until there was an opening in Pacsetter where he then tried to apply and got some training session in his probation period. But today was his first day as a permanent employee. He had to finish it tonight. But it was still a long ride there.

He thought, he knew that today would be different because today was his first permanent employment.
But that day passed differently because of another reason.

"Sarah!"

-------------------------------------------


Josh Gallagher, August 2014, Virginia
CIA Headquarter

I stare at my cellphone receipt on the table. It's been almost 2 months and I have never get it back. I know it might sounds weird but somehow I lost some part of myself that night. Or some of my memory? Or some of my heart? I guess I lost a lot of things in life.

So yes, me and Sarah. We broke up that night at the top of UBS Tower building. And she wasn't that devastated on the break-up. She accepted that pretty well actually, after I took her cellphone.

I tell it like this, not that I don't love her. In fact, she is the love of my life. I just had reached the stage of love which made me realize that I couldn't really make her happy so I have to let her go, find her own happiness one more time. Yes she always said she was having enough happiness with me, but deep down, I knew she didn't. She started to have a lot of nightmares and hallucinations. And in some other times, she said something about leaving her parent and her dream. It made me even sadder. For instance, she lived her dream as an Executive Financing at UBS which located at UBS Tower building, one of the skyscrapper in Chicago. And she still lived with her parent, occasionally, usually during Thanksgiving, or Christmas, or even 4th of July holiday, while spending the rest, being my fiancee.

I didn't know what had happened to us recently. We didn't even have a real issue. All I knew that day, I gave up upon Sarah torturing herself most of time. I couldn't stand it anymore. So I took her phone, left her right there at UBS tower, let her go. And I have to keep that phone away from her. Then as my gut has told me, she is happier than ever.

I knew about this weird cellphone for some more time but always refused to believe in it. I wasn't ready to take that away from her, to break the bond, to be out of her life. I had tried to throw the cellphone away and bought her a new one, but it was always back. One day I just knew that I had to be the one who thrown it away out of her life, just to make her happy once and for all. I had to go away and brought that cellphone with me. And yes, the cellphone was still with me, up until 2 months ago, when the cellphone was broken and I sent it to the repairman, his name is Reynold if I am not mistaken.

I show him the receipt on my table. Yes, Gio, I have lost it 2 months ago. I am so sorry, but the cellphone you're looking for isn't with me anymore. You can search that Rey-guy if you want, but I've searched the entire Missouri and I didn't find him.

Giovanni stares me across the desk, pauses for a while to understand what I have just told him. However, it is all too much to take. He looks like considering something before at last talks to me in a low-pitched voice.

"You have to be careful if you find that cellphone Josh, I mean the chip in that cellphone. The cellphone itself is harmless, you see a ton of this model circulate in the market. This is the top secret from CIA but since you will be assigned for this project then we have to tell you the information that might be useful for the investigation. And you have to understand why they made this cellphone "ringing" into people's head at the very first place. Oh yes, our code-name for this chip is Ring307." Gio explains the division-introduction brief to me. Curiousness and fury are mixed in a way that I cannot describe. This chip has destroyed Sarah and our engagement, and half part of me. Giovanni continues, breaks the silence.

"Some of our smarter underground researcher developed the device to alter people mind, to broadcast the same frequency as hypnotize. Because mastering people's mind is everything. You can ask someone do every favor you want, alter their mind, if it is the right person, you'll get everything you want in this world. The secret research started behind us, behind the CIA, a few years ago." Gio memories something before moves ahead.

"But apparently one of the researcher suddenly got the right mind and he stopped them by locked the function of Ring307, and hid it away. While this chip is locked pretty well, it still broadcasts some weak signal in that hypnotize frequency, so that would be the explanation of what happened to your ex-fiancee, Ms Sarah Wilson. Our source told us that they didn't find it in most people but well, some people's mind can be really triggered by Ring307. I cannot be sure why, but I guess because it's connected with her really good. There's few person needed to unlock this chip, one of them, is your Sarah, I have also ever heard about the face-detector for a girl in Missouri named Frysanthia" Gio suddenly pause for a while before he wipes his nose and continues.

"I didn't know more details about that, nor the reason why these girls were chosen as the key to unlock that chip. The Professor (that's how people here named him), unfortunately, had disappeared- protected for his own safety, so we couldn’t ask him anymore. They also hide The Professor identity as a part of their protection program. So yeah, we will never really find out everything"

-------------------------------------------


Reynold Mckenzie, June 2014, Missouri
Morris State Park

Suddenly, a bright light flashed from somewhere near. Then dimmed and disappeared seconds later. The frightened stare appeared in his face. Reynold was there, in the park, all of the sudden, he didn't even realize. He held the cellphone tightly, apparently had just took a photo. Someone watched him behind. He turned his head back.

"Sarah!"

"Rey! What are you doing here? I was looking for you everywhere. Why you didn't come home yesterday?! I worried about you!" shouted Sarah with her eyes full of tears

"Sarah, I beg you, please! Don't go this way. I didn't mean to hurt you. I really have no idea why I am here. All I remembered, I was still worked in Pacsetter yesterday and suddenly these all happened. It's all just blurred out." explained Rey with all the confusion on his face

"Wait what is it in your hand?" Sarah quickly took the black-rectangle-thing out of Rey's hand. Something really familiar slapped her face so hard, something from her past. The frightened stare quickly spreaded into her eyes too.

"Rey, I remember everything!"

-------------------------------------------


"What are you talking about Sarah? Please I don't understand. Please I want to see it too." Rey pointed the cellphone on Sarah's grip.

"No, you cannot have this! This thing had changed you entirely! See, you just have this for one night, one night Rey, again! And you’ve even already gone away from me without any news! This thing has a bad influenced on you, repeatedly, all over again! You couldn't be near this cellphone!" Sarah started to play with the cellphone before continued. "Wait, are you cheating on me?" Sarah showed the cellphone displaying a photo-montage of a girl, mostly sitting in a park bench as its wallpaper.

"So you like her huh! You collected her photos!" She started to cry more hysterically.

"Sarah, I don't know why I am here! I don't know anything. I don't understand! Rey held his tears and started to approach Sarah, whom quickly took a step back.

"No, Rey, go away! Now, you don't even have an explanation for what you've done? But for what in the world I would have to listen to you anymore? Rey! For God sake, could I be more important to you? I gave up everything! My parent, my career! All so that I could be with you! D**n it Rey!" And with that word, all the tears started to break out of her defense, she couldn't bear it any longer.

"I had experienced these before, or had I?" Suddenly some memories came up into his mind. Everything's going to reveal itself, right now, at this very moment.

-------------------------------------------


Josh Gallagher, October 2013, Chicago
UBS Tower Building

"But for what in the world I would have to live alone anymore? Josh! I'll give up everything! My parent, my career! All so that I can be with you! D**n it Josh!" And with that word, all the tears started to break out of her defense, she couldn't bear it any longer.

"You know, I just ask you one thing! One thing! No shut it!" She added quickly "I know what you were gonna say, but long distance won't work, Josh! Me in Chicago and you in Missouri. You won't even remember me! And after all that I have seen, all those ambition you put into making that chip on the cellphone. Then seeing you’re broken, when you had been forced to betray your friends and your hardworks for years. But you did the right thing Josh. You just have to let it go. Accept that you had chosen to reveal the chip to CIA." My heart had just rolled out, listened to her saying those things, she's so brave, much more braver than me.

"And not to mention that chip influenced you most, it changed you. All those ambitions and hallucinations. Sometimes you cannot even remember what you did. Josh, you have to let all these go, but you're not going through it by yourself. I am not ready, who'll be ready to throw their life away! But I'm going to make one last sacrifice to be with you! I don't want to be the one who sacrificing myself all over again, watched you torturing yourself. So, I make this sacrifice for the last time. And all these pain, if it will be a big mistake that I'll have to throw my life away, I have to.." She continued with uncontrollably sob. I wanted to hug her so badly. I wanted to find a peace, a bravery, so that I could let these all go. But yet, I wasn't ready, I had never ever ever been ready to finally give the cellphone to CIA and left all of this.

But I'll have her forever

"No Josh, now just tell me that you won't go to Virginia again, not going back to regret this cellphone no more. Tell me you will quit the CIA! You call them now." Shouted Sarah hysterically. She shrugged the cellphone.

I accepted the cellphone and dialed the number. This would be the end of everything.

Hello, Mr Petterson. This is Josh Gallagher. Before I'll change my mind, I hereby inform you that I'm currently at the top of UBS tower and I accept the CIA Protection Program. Please activate the program, code number RYN-001LD right away. I'm going resign from Ring307 and give the Ring307 back to CIA. You now have the access to erase mine and my fiancee memory and plant a new identity in our brain. Thank you, good bye Mr Petterson, it has always been nice to work to you.

I put out the cellphone and knew exactly a couple of minute from now, the agents would coming. I stared her eyes deeply, told something that I should have told her some time ago.
So now we could start over.

"So now we can live together Josh" she looked at my eyes deeply. Torn into sad and happy all at once.

"I love you Josh" She stepped behind, moved back, came inside the window.

"I love you Sarah"

Afterall, she wasn't ready. Neither was I.
But the footsteps behind us announced that the agents were coming.

I approached her. Hugged her so tightly and closed my eyes.

-------------------------------------------


Reynold Mckenzie/Josh Gallagher, June 2014, Missouri
Gators Karaoke Bar

And we broke up.
It has been passed few hours ago but her tears still seemed so clear in his head, or mine. She yelled, thought I cheated on her. And she ran away. But I couldn't blame her because a lot of things she had to receive. And I have to receive it too, just way too much. I didn't even chase her this time. Instead, I went to this small bar in the border of Missouri, tried to talk myself into sense.

I don't know who I am right now.
I am Josh, a reseacher at CIA headquarter in Virginia, happily engaged to Sarah Wilson, an Executive Financing of UBS.
Or am I Rey? I couldn’t even say I to "Rey". Because "he" is not even a successful person, live in a small district, who couldn't even keep "his" girlfriend Sarah from going away.

I wouldn't say Rey with I, eventhough it is me. I just couldn't accept it.

Or did I actually never accept "Rey" of all this time? I never really let go of the Ring307. Well, I don't know.

My head was so dizzy right now with hundred thousand information which suddenly filled up my head. It's all because of this cellphone.

"Congratulations, you are all our 1000th customer. We give you 2 hours free Karaoke session at room 307. Please follow our staff to the room, thank you"

I took a glance out of the cellphone for a while, just to see a karaoke staff talked to me. I couldn't believe of what I have just heard.
"Here we are, sir, please." The karaoke staff opened a high wooden door with 307 metal plate number's hanging in there. "Please come in, enjoy your Karaoke."
The Karaoke staff smiled and allowed me to come in, behind that wooden door which on a few minutes later, I wouldn't even remember anymore.

-------------------------------------------


CIA Agents, June 2014, Missouri
Gators Karaoke Bar

"Hey Barker, please re-read the order from Mr Petterson, I drank some tequila up front few minutes ago" Spencer asked while he sat inside karaoke room 307.

"Mr Petterson said that The Protection Program, code number RYN-001LD had fallen apart. We have to remove the planted identity named Reynold out of Josh's mind. And looks like we find the target in a right place, a bar, everyone can get drunk and forget things here." Some noises came up from outside the door, broke their conversation.

"Here comes the target, Spencer, on position" Barker snapped behind

They saw Josh on position and they injected the serum before he could move. They put some cable on Josh's head and turned on the computer. Barker put some code to the computer while Spencer put another cable into Josh's arm. The program on the computer worked and they arranged the position. Josh looked like fell asleep on the couch right now.

“It’s done. All the Reynold memories are gone. He would wake up with drunk memory in his head.”


Josh Gallagher vs Giovanni Walker, June 2014, Missouri 
Morris State Park (click here)

-------------------------------------------


Giovanni Walker, August 2014, Virginia
CIA Headquarter

“So, Josh, I got all of your story, but for the last time, I have to make sure about this. You really have no idea where is Ring307, right? Do you have any idea who The Professor might be?”

“No Gio, and I need you to leave right now, please. I am so dizzy”

Gio closes the door, talks to the nurse.
“How is he doing? He got the break-up memory in the top of UBS tower, right Cindy? I guess Ms Sarah Wilson would have been great to have another life without Mr Gallagher. She got too much signal exposed from the cellphone. She has the right to spend the rest of her life in a happier place.”

“Well said Mr Walker and good bye” Cindy the nurse smiles then walks back to the CIA Headquarter Care Unit. The patients need her.

Saturday, July 12, 2014

The Playbook

Kids, remember when i always told a story in the previous post of this blog. Okay, tonight i'm just too tired to write another short story. Remember when other time, i wrote a blog post and made a quiz, I might have that before. But now, I'm going to make the combination of those both. So basically i will tell a story from a film, with a little deception in here and there and off course, you would required to guess its title. As i had said, be careful because few false facts had been added into the story to make it more difficult. Now here we go, let's play!

--------------

a little ways down the road..
faraway lived a group of student who made that group just as simply to study together for their high school exam. The group consist of 5 people, 3 of them are men. The man main character was the hopeless romantic type-of-person. He believed in destiny and had a quest to find the right girl, and marrying her and lived happily ever after. Meanwhile the woman main character was his complete opposite. She was a very skeptical girl along with high ego and pride. She loved Newscast and wanted to be a News Anchor one day. The woman supporting character was having a serious relationship with the man supporting character. The woman main character was the love interest of the man main character, okay now that i started to get confuse of explaining all these, let's just fake-named all the character.

a little ways down the road..
faraway lived a group of student consist of 5 people, 3 men are Foster, Kevin and Bobby, 2 women are Rachel and Donna. Rachel was in a serious relationship with Kevin. Meanwhile Foster, Bobby and Donna were single. However, Donna did has hidden feeling to Bobby but she always held it back. She thought that it wasn't going to work between them. Suddenly, Foster asked Donna to be his girlfriend in a way that she never had expected, at the top of World Wide News Building. Donna was a little bit confused but said yes at that time. It is later known that they would separate after 3 years.

--------------

Have you had any idea how you can handle this quiz? Could you guess what is the title of the film that match with that story? Anyway about the title, have you know about The Playbook? The Playbook was a book actually, belong to the man supporting character which contain a lot of tricks, manipulation, steps to achieve his purpose. Look it happened to be another clue! Okay i give another clue, but this is the last.



Alright, giving that clue was the same as i told the answer, so i'm just gonna tell the film title straight away. It is ....







True Story!

Yap i know it's too late, the finale is out there everywhere. And I've just got this series from a friend and watched it in my laptop, but it is a very great TV show! It's going to be legend.. wait-for-it-I'm-still-watching-season-8-The-Final-Page


Robin Scherbatsky: Seriously, Barney? Even you, even someone as CERTIFIABLY INSANE as you must realize that this is too far! You lied to me, manipulated me for weeks - do you really think I could ever kiss you after that? Do you really think I could ever trust you after that?
[refers to The Playbook page]
Robin Scherbatsky: This, this is proof of why we don't work, why we'll never work, so thank you. You've set me free because how could I be with a man who thinks that this trick, this enormous lie could ever make me want to date him again?
Barney Stinson: Turn it over.
[Robin flips page to read "Step 16: Hope she says yes." Barney presents ring]
Barney Stinson: Robin Scherbatsky, will you marry me?

Sunday, April 27, 2014

Late Night with Zhou [Repost]

So there are a lot of Farewell recently, i have just finished another post about Farewell myself. But thank God, there are a lot of people who give strength and meaningful words to help seize the day.

I personally have this favorite twitter channel called "Late Night with Zhou", belong to @chris_zhou which can give something to be learned, to make you stronger and to straighten your mind.

Below are two of my favorite Episodes of Late Night with Zhou


Late Night with Zhou: Move On

people hate to think about the present so much that they cling to the past or the future, to give them something to believe in.

eventually, people find reasons. lots and lots of reasons to believe that things are okay. to justify the hope they persistently hold on to.

this is why we find it hard to move on: we can't live in the present. we can't accept. we make up imaginary scenarios where things are okay.

but thinking 'I can still do something about it! this goodbye is nothing!' while ignoring to logically assess the situation... it's wrong.

second of all, who are you to determine so clearly that you can change the situation? you can try, but that's about it, no?

I'm not saying you have to move on. I'm just reminding you that we *can* move on, should we want to do so. there will be more things ahead.

first, stop living in the past or the future. stop thinking of what 'was' or 'will be'--one already happened, the other is imaginary.

second, accept the present for what it is. if you can't, then find out why, and get busy solving that instead. it'll take time, yes.

so, should you move on? you've got the answer to that, not me..

--------------



Late Night with Zhou: When to Disappear

we all change--you change, I change. what could be the reason for you to care might now be the reason you hate. that's how it is.

you can try. in fact, you'll probably have already tried countless times. that's what we all do: we hold on, because we believe.

but there will come one point where you'll start asking yourself some questions. and, trust me, you will waver if it's a one-sided thing.

the hardest thing to admit to yourself would perhaps be the fact that you are no longer needed in their lives. you don't matter anymore.

the actors and actresses in your life will change over time. the people who need you, and the people you need, will also change.

this is how relationships go. this is how life goes. overstaying your welcome is what's actually hurting you, in all honesty.

we'd like to think we are important for everyone--and that isn't wrong. what's wrong is actually insisting that we are, because we're not.

some people will always be important to you, and you'll also be important to these very people. but this doesn't happen all the time.

there will be people who will throw you away like trash after they're done with you. there will be people who still hang on you, even by the thinnest thread.

so we return to the question: why pull back? because we cannot deny that most of us are flighty creatures who cannot love unconditionally.

does it feel selfish to you? how about this: by pulling back, you're doing them a favor as well. now they don't have to fake interest, no?

if you insist on staying, even though it's painfully clear that there's no longer any point, all that awaits you is a restraining order.

and of course there's always that question haunting us: "What if things get better? What if by staying, I could change things?"

even if everything is taken away from you, hold your breath a bit and let go. you don't own anything in the first place. you MAKE them.

whether things do get any better or not, that has little to do with you. you were once a factor, now a smaller factor--still, only a factor.

If you really worth the attention, you'll get it! Not because you desperately want that attention.

I tell you this: we deserve the things we allow happen to us. we deserve the friends who treat us like crap when we let them do it.

but frankly, and this is what I believe in, to find a place where you can stay for a long time is hard as hell. seriously.

in fact, it's so hard to find a place like that we often deceive ourselves that some other places are where we belong, even if we don't.

appearing and disappearing are both normal, common things that happen in life. realize, accept, and understand it. you'll be fine.

or at last, time will someday heal..