Friday, Farewell and Freeway

Love. It is a very confusing thing. It is a hundred thousand million of emotions.
Love is a contradiction. Love is a sure thing. Love is, you know it even when you first met him.

That guy, standing outside that book store. Blonde hair with fancy t-shirt and jeans. He's smiling at you. No, it's not him. Or that boy, walking alone at the park, in a company by his pet dog. No?

I am changing my mind. Love can be a sure thing, but it not always is. However, it still have a sign, or, many signs.

Like when he comes to your room at the office, asking you for his website design. Reluctantly introducing himself.

"I may heard that you are the head of graphic designer here, hey my name is Francis Bellmore. I am a new website developer in the IT dept. Can you help me with this?"

And at that very moment, you just cannot take your eyes off him. His blue eyes, his big smile, his brown hair. You just want to see him over again.

And without you have ever realized, one month has passed, you are closed to him than ever. You know he will come to your desk at the 3rd floor, bring you your favorite Macchiato and stay few minutes for a morning talk. It is usually involving the newest IT project he's been working on, or his sweetest 8-years-old cousin who lives with him, or my new project, or practically everything.
I really savor that moment.

And he will come around again at lunch. Basically the same things, but it never fails to make me happy. We talk, we laugh. We even have that much things in common. We learn that we both love the movie 500 Days of Summer, our favorite band is Pixies, our favorite food is Pizza, and we are afraid of cat. We both like the smell when it's rain. All that morning and afternoon conversation was not enough, we call each other every single night. Continuing our discussion, like it cannot be stopped ever.

And without you ever realize, three months has passed. Three months of happiness. You start to be familiar of his smell, his touch, the sound of his laugh. That warm feeling when he's around. And your stomach.. butterfly

And how he never fails to make you happy.


--------------
 

He looks very happy. I scroll down that pre-wedding photos. There is no bigger happiness in the world rather than by seeing him happy. It is honest and sincere. It is the truth.

I put down my pen.

"Would you marry me?"
I look deeply into his eyes. The most beautiful thing in the world. Francis is kneeling with a diamond ring in a small-velvet-box. I want to cry.

"I can never live without you. It has been a thousand times I said it, you know that. My flight will come in a few minutes. Marry me?"
 
I wish he would stop asking. I wish he would just be silent.
 
But it is just three months. How I can just stop working, moving around the globe with him, throwing away my career because of a guy that I have just known for, three months?
This is my shortest relationship so far. I had two four-months, even one three-years relationship. But it feels different. This is the happiest I have ever felt.

"Francis, I am so sorry. I cannot answer to this now. I need some time."
 
And he understands. He will take one-hour flight every friday. I pick him up at the airport this friday, like every other fridays before. I really do hope that he won't ask the same question soon.

But it does happen on the fifth friday.

"You think about it, what's your answer?"
And I knew my answer. I knew it for a long time. But it doesn't make me easier to say it to him.
 
"No."
 
And he never gets back on friday.
 
Sometimes I check my cell on friday. But it never rings. I never go back to the airport to pick him up anymore. That greatest friday happiness has gone in instance.
 
I hate friday!

Have you ever been in farewell before? What do you feel? Sure, you can do whatever you want to convince yourself that you are fine.
 
And it has been six months since he's gone and never come back. I start to reach the word "well" in farewell. It really hurts at first but then I raise again and move on.
Even though that "what if" question still popped up in my head few times.

What if I say yes to his proposal?

If only I could go back to the past..
 
You know, time sometimes can be very tricky.
 
Have you ever see the opening scene in the movie when a boy bumps on a girl? The girl is holding some books and her books then fall down the floor. That boy bow to help the girl, taking her books and they stare at each other.
 
You know what, I have never asked to have a life full of drama, but that scene happens to me, for real. However, there is a slight difference. He is the one who has that papers.
I help him gathering all his papers and stand again. There he is, staring at me with his blue beautiful eyes.

"Francis"
 
And that is not awkward at all. I cannot believe on how easy we talk and laugh again. Just like the old times. I can feel that familiar warmth on my heart. I realize that it was very cold all these times. He says, it is very nice to hear again from me, we talk a lot. And apparently he would be in town for the next two months.
 
"I will go back to Brooklyn on April, so please come. I really am happy that you're doing well." He gives me one of his thick paper and smiles and leaves.
 
It is an invitation.

My eyes are burned. My heart beats twice than usual. That cold air covers my lung, chokes me up from the inside. I feel like I wanna throw up.
 
I thought I have moved on all this time, but this new detail stings a little bit.
I should have known that I just lied to myself before. How can you call yourself "move on" if you still consistently have that "what if" thought in your mind?
 
I am not fine and I just have to accept it.
 
I open my Facebook search and type the girl's name from the invitation. No, I cannot do it. My head is dizzy. I hope this is just a bad dream. I would wake up and everything will be fine. But it is a reality. The hurt is real. It stabs through your heart, stays there with its poison. It is inevitable.
 
I grab my pen and start writing from the very beginning. How I met him, how I loved him, how I finally could let him go. With a letter, I could just faking "move on".

"..and there is no bigger happiness in the world rather than by seeing you happy. Thank you for everything. Have a great wedding."

- Fiona Bradshaw

Yeah, that's all. I will send this, so I don't have to show up on his wedding. But I really need to see the bride's photos. So I re-open my browser. And there it is. A collection of their pre-wedding photos.
 
I scroll down that page, see all their photos, one by one. There he is, with that girI beside him. He looks very happy, like the luckiest man on earth, staring at his fiancee eyes, full of love. It is honest and sincere. It is the truth. She is the real one for him.
This is the end. I finally know the real answer to my "what if" question.

What if I say yes to his proposal?

I would be in the wrong marriage right now. I would suffer more than anything ever happen in my life.

But it didn't happen. I am here, I am strong. Someday I will find the right one, just like him.
I did it! I answer it. I know I would never ask that question again, ever.

It is solved now.
 
I see their photos again. I smile without realizing it. That big burden in my heart is finally lifted. I surprise on what I feel right now. Light and relieve.
 
This is the freeway, I can see it now.
 
I put down my pen.
I throw my letter to the trash.
 
Whatever, I'll go to that wedding! 

The Front Porch

Before we started this, i really do hope that you guys can understand. It's not that i cannot move on from these, but i don't know. Every time i watched it, i really just kept watching it again and again and again. And i don't know when i can stop liking this series. Yes, i talk about How I Met Your Mother (HIMYM), which by the way, has ended in more than a half year ago. For you, who are also a fans of this series, you can guess it from this post's title. For you who aren't, then you don't have to continue reading this post because it is useless.

Anyway, I don't know when i can let HIMYM go. I re-watch it all the time. I don't know, maybe it is because i cannot accept its ending. Well, yeah, i don't think the ending is really worked. To be honest, i don't think that Ted and Robin are even belong together at the very first place, let me tell you why.


Robin will still move places [thoughtcatalog]
Robin is Robin and Robin will always be Robin. The show have given us nine seasons to get a full grasp of Robin’s identity, a strong, scotch-drinking, hockey-loving, Canadian, independent woman who would give up anything, ANYTHING, for her work. We saw how it went down with Robin and Barney. How would it work with Ted? It would probably go down the same pipe as it did with Barney because Ted will not be able to handle Robin’s constant travels, popping here and there whenever her job pleases. Her job controls her. And as one blogger put it, “Robin was never The Mother that Ted needed and wanted in his life.”

S5E02: Double Date

This is the dialog between Ted and Jen in the closing scene of an episode.
Ted: I can't believe I'm gonna screw this up again, but umm.. I like finding typos in menus.
Jen: What?
Ted: And I know my shellfish pun is stupid. But the truth is, I'm not suddenly gonna stop making stupid jokes.
Jen: Now that you mention it.. I'm never gonna stop talking about my cats. They're funny and adorable.
[chuckles]
Ted: Shouldn't we hold out for the person who doesn't just tolerate our little quirks, but actually kind of likes them? Even if it means finding ourselves on another blind date with each other, seven years from now?
Jen: Oh, dear God, I hope that doesn't happen.
Ted: Well, good luck out there, Jen.
Jen: You too Ted. You'll find your shellfish lady.

[2030]
And kids, when I told your mother that shellfish joke,
she did laugh.


Robin never had that big of a heart for Ted
We've seen Ted been through many other relationships, yet Robin was (mostly) cool about it. It's not like when Barney dated other girl. We saw Robin freaked out on Barney dating Nora in the beginning of seventh season. We saw Robin's uneasy closure when Barney announced his engagement with Quinn at final episode of seventh season. It's not like Robin didn't have that 'jealousy' moment with Ted's girlfriends, but it was just to a few girl and it's not that big deal. We could say that Ted and Barney supposed to be in a same place, because they both were best friend and ex-girlfriend to Robin. But it looked like Robin had a bigger heart for Barney rather than to Ted. And it only worked out 3-years-long with Barney. So where did that leave us?

Ted and Robin had way too many differences
The red roses, all gooey romantic 'i love you' word, poetic philosopher, child lover, gun hater Ted and smoking cigars, 'you're idiot' word,  scotch drinker, child hater, gun lover Robin. I mean, yeah, the similarities in a relationship sometimes make you bored. But with too many differences, is also exhausting. It needs a lot of work, struggle and determination. You cannot be a person who is easy to give up.

Ted was easier to give up on Robin

We've seen Ted chased Robin in a lot episodes but, sorry to say, i think Ted was giving up so easily. Ted asked Robin whether she loved him, Robin rejected him and that's it. Ted then had a rebound with another girl and when it wasn't worked out, he got back to Robin. But, sorry to say Team Tedward, Ted was really weak of rejection. He took the rejection and gone. Unlike Barney, who took the rejection and turned it into a miraculous plan to change Robin's mind. You know, people like to say "if you love someone, set it free. if it's meant to be, he/she will be back." Sorry bro, but I don't think that way. I think, if you want something, you work on it, you earn it. Then you deserve it.

So you think that i am Team RoBarn, am i? Wait until this post ends before you decide. Don't worry, we are so close to the ending. My version of The Front Porch of everyone in the gang should be:

Marshall Eriksen and Lily Aldrin

Who am i kidding, they are perfect! Nothing is needed to be changed.

Ted Mosby
I guess, i like it just like other people preference. The Mother wasn't die. But if it still had to happen, then it was nice if Ted could get back with Victoria. 

They were a great couple, they never had real issue. And the drum-roll was amazing.

Robin Scherbatsky
I really do prefer Robin to be just by herself. She chose her career over anything, hence she should be given the opportunity to focus on that. But, if you think that i am too cruel. And that Robin was really really lonely, she should be with someone. I think Don was a really great man. They really had a thing right? Remember when Robin broke up with him? I think I have never seen Robin acted so devastated through a break-up before.

Plus, Don was also an anchor. Nothing's better to support Robin in her career as someone who also went through the exact same thing. And if they were a partner in news-reading, they would be able to travel around the world together, consider it as many honeymoons awaited. But instead of them paying the expenses, they were paid for that. High-five!


And it's going to be legend..
Barney!
Yeah, to be honest, i love HIMYM because i love Barney. Everything about this guy was legendary, except.. wait-for-it.. the ending. I said i love Barney, i mean i love the old Barney. Barney before he became such a Ted-wannabe with girl. The Barney before Nora, Quinn and Robin ever happened. Oh geez, why killing such a wonderful character. Barney was a unique person with all his womanizing, catchphrases and adventures. Why they had to change him into a lame, ordinary person. We got Ted and Marshall for that! I should say, i had twice laugh to Barney at the early season, compared to the episodes in the late season.

I know about the thing, that you will grow old, you have to be mature and responsible. But most people did it! They meet their soul-mate, have child and everything. Why couldn't this only one over-the-top extraordinary Barney take a different path, a legendary path? You see, it is not like it's for a bad intention. The old-Barney always brought happiness to the gang. He always brought the gang together, either by his new rule, his mischievous plan, his playbook and his legendary "true" story. You see, a lot of activities which the gang did, had something to do with Barney. So why took away his light and brought the darkness to the gang?

If Nora-Quinn-Robin thing was never happened. If Barney still became a legendary Barney towards the ending, we might never even see the gang spent time in The Front Porch.

We would see the gang still be in the same booth at MacLaren's, laughed so hard watching a-60-years-old Barney teased around the bar to complete his "Challenge Accepted".

And that they always be there for the big (and small) moments.

Unanswered Question from Movie INTERSTELLAR [Please Help!]

SPOILER ALERT!
Seperti biasanya, Nolan bikin film yang sedikit rumit, dan karena saya ngefans sama Nolan, dan kira-kira sudah menunggu film ini dari setahun yang lalu mungkin, long story short, akhirnya nonton juga kemarin. Tapi masih ada beberapa hal yang tetep ga nemu jawabannya walaupun sudah bongkar-bongkar internet forum, wiki dan imdb, mohon jawabannya jika ada yang tahu. Thanks anyway atas yang udah jawab, beberapa pertanyaan bisa saya isi.

1. Gravitasinya diapain ya sama Cooper sampai bukunya bisa jatuh? Jam tangannya diapain ya sampai bisa rekam kode gitu?
2. Kenapa blackholenya bisa ngarah ke rak buku itu, padahalkan universe luas, ada banyak galaxi lain, jutaan planet lain. Kenapa harus Bumi dan kenapa pas banget itu di kamarnya Murph? Apakah tempat Cooper mau munculnya, yang mengendalikan lokasi tsb pikirannya si Cooper? Jadi simplenya gini, Future Man (yang pinternya sudah tingkat dewa) denger tentang sejarah mereka bisa selamat karena adanya Murph dan Cooper yang menyelesaikan problem "gravitational pull en masse". Mereka mempelajari ilmu sejarah sampai mereka tahu kalau Cooper memberitahukan solusinya ke Murph melalui wormhole karena bantuan Alien. Jadi mereka belajar mengenai problem "gravitational pull en masse" dan cara bikin wormhole juga. Saat mereka nontonin si Cooper kok ga ada yang dateng-dateng buat bantuin, mereka takut mereka tidak jadi terlahir karena manusia mati semua di Bumi akibat tidak tersampaikan solusinya~ Akhirnya gemes nontonin "kok Aliennya enggak bikin-bikin wormhole untuk Cooper kasih tahu Murph," akhirnya Future Man bantuin bikinin wormhole buat Cooper menuju rak buku Murph supaya Cooper bisa kasih tahu Murph solusinya, dan Future Man bisa terlahir, dari manusia yang akhirnya tidak jadi punah semua di bumi (setelah sampainya solusi tersebut). Future Man pun tersadar bahwa Alien itu sebenarnya adalah diri mereka sendiri. (a double paradox, i knooow~) Hal tersebut berlaku juga dengan yang pas Future Man naroh wormhole di Saturnus di awal film, dst. Oh ya fyi aja, Future Man cuma bisa bantuin diem-diem dan ga bisa nampakin diri, mungkin karena ada semacem law, Future Man ga boleh kelihatan atau kenalan sama orang di masa lalu, karena akan ada Butterfly Effect (the usual classic time-travel story)
3. Kenapa di blackhole Cooper kasih message S.T.A.Y, tapi kasih tau koordinat NASA? Terus abis itu nangis-nangis sendiri. Padahalkan kalau dia mau dirinya dia di masa lalu ga pergi, ya cukup dari awal ga usah kasih tahu koordinat NASA.
4. Beneran ga ngerti deh sama kelakuan Dr. Mann. Kenapa harus ngebunuh orang-orang? Kan dia tinggal minta tebengan pulang, dan juga setelah sekian lama kesepian dan hidup sendiri, bukannya lebih enak balik ke bumi barengan ya? Ada yang bantuin nyetirin pesawatnya. Kalau masalahnya cuma dia takut dibocorin tentang dia bohong tentang planetnya, pas balik ke NASA kan dia emang harus pertanggungjawabin hasil researchnya dong. Dan orang NASA kan ga bodoh, pasti tahu kalau ada sesuatu yang salah atau aneh di laporannya. DIA GILA!
5. Terus kenapa juga Dr. Mann tetep buka si pintu terus dia meledak? Kan dia ga terlalu tahu tentang Endurance (secara baru nyetir sekali), begitu dikasih tahu sama yang emang udah tau Endurance dan udah berhasil nyetir Endurance dari awal, supaya "jangan dibuka pintunya" dan dengan panik pula ngasih taunya, dia tetep buka. Kalau dia pinter (seperti yang dibilang) harusnya kan tahu, kalau di luar angkasa itu banyak resikonya. Kalau melakukan suatu prosedur yang salah sedikit aja bisa bahaya. Oh well Matt Damon -.- DIA GILA!
6. Ga ngerti apa tujuannya si Cooper misahin diri dari Endurance dan Brand? Terus dia loncat ke blackhole sembarangan, terus kenapa masih bisa komunikasi pula sama TARS?
7. Ga ngerti banget sama scene Cooper di luar angkasa terus bangunnya di Cooper Station. Kok bisa begitu? Apa TARSnya manggil bantuan buat Cooper, terus send coordinate Cooper ke NASA, baru Cooper diselametin sama NASA? Sedangkan dari awal film kan dibilang komunikasi bisanya hanya nerima data, tapi ga bisa transfer data ke NASA. Karena perbedaan waktu, Cooper ngapung pingsan dari wormhole keluar sendiri ke deket Saturnus sekitar beberapa menit, namun di space di luar wormhole udah lewat puluhan tahun. Ga sengaja dia ketemu sama Cooper Station (semacam pesawat luar angkasa tingkat tinggi) yang kebetulan lagi jalan-jalan ngorbit deket Saturnus. Terus diselametin deh, si Cooper ditolong dan diangkut ke dalem pesawat Cooper Station.
8. Cooper Station tuh apaan sih? Bukan Bumi tapi kenapa banyak manusianya? Kan ada problem manusia ga bisa dipindahin ke planet baru, karena ada problem "gravitational pull en masse" Bumi? Dan sudah pasti Cooper Station bukan planetnya Edmund yang dikunjungi sama Brand. I know this is a silly question, pardon me. Jadi ceritanya Cooper Station dibuat berdasarkan solusi dari equation "gravitational pull en masse" (lebih gampangnya anggep aja: masalah gravitasi). Cooper Station adalah cara untuk memindahkan manusia yang tersisa di Bumi ke planet baru. As simple as, bikin pesawat dengan fitur dimana "masalah gravitasi" tidak berlaku lagi di situ. Jadi manusia di Bumi pada naik ke Cooper Station yang jumlahnya ada banyak, untuk diangkut ke planet Edmund. (semacem cerita Nabi Nuh gitu, cuman ini bukan perahu).
9. "Gravitational pull en masse" itu apa sih? dan plan B cara ngembangin colony manusia itu gimana ya? Kan mesti bawa ibu yang rahimnya ditanem juga dong, basically bawa orang banyak juga dari Bumi, sama aja kan.
10. Kenapa di ending Cooper malah diem-diem pergi ke pesawat buat ngejer Brand di planet Edmund? Kan di Cooper Station teknologinya udah canggih, bisa cerita ke NASA hasil researchnya terus minta support orang lain buat ikut. Belum lagi pesawatnya yang diem-diem diambil udah selesai maintanance belum? Kan harusnya dicek fuel dan segala macem sebelum berangkat. Sedangkan Cooper satu-satunya orang (selain Brand), yang tahu koordinat planet Edmund. Kalau dia sampe kenapa-napa di jalan, terus udah gitu, chance buat survival dan memulai kehidupan baru di planet Edmund hilang dong. Toh untuk waktu dia cerita, mau berhari-hari ataupun persiapan terbangnya berbulan-bulan lagi ga masalah kan, soalnya waktu disitu jauh lebih lama daripada waktu di tempat Brand (planet Edmund).

Anyway, beberapa pertanyaan terjawab sebenernya dapat plot holes baru lagi lho.
[for complete version log on to: http://popwatch.ew.com/2014/11/08/interstellar-plot-holes/]
And the best plot-holes from that site is:

"Cooper shows up randomly at NASA and suddenly he’s piloting the craft? If he’s so ideal for this incredibly important Earth-saving mission that’s just about to happen, and even knows the professor, and is just a day’s drive away, you would think they (NASA) might have already known he was working the farm down the street and reached out to him. Did NASA not have a pilot before he showed up? We talked about the most important earth saving mission here."

Sering ga sih nonton film tentang luar angkasa, biasa awalannya selalu NASA cari orang-orang pinter, direkrut buat jadi tim mereka. Normally, (misi sepenting nyelametin seluruh kehidupan di muka bumi lho), mereka samperin, bujukin buat ikut misi~ semacem "karena ga ada orang lain untuk posisi ini yang lebih pas dari kamu~". Apalagi si profesor (Michael Caine) nya sudah kenal sama Cooper.

To be fair, sebenernya filmnya overall bagus kok, ya problem dengan plot hole aja, karena biasa Nolan jarang bikin plot hole di film dia. Whatever it is, Batman Begin, The Dark Knight, The Prestige, Memento, ataupun Interstellar, tetep ga bisa ngalahin Inception sih.

Flashes Before Your Eyes

I am shocked, looking at my hands holding a kitchen knife. A stream of warm blood is running through the floor.

What have I done?!

I feel like having a sudden heart attack. Everything is blur. I'll get back on my knees, run and flee as fast as I can.

There's the gate, I need to get out of here, right now. I look around the room and see the light leaving her eyes.

--------------

"This is the house that I want, sweetheart." I said it to her. Caroline that's her name. I met her at high school. Had a little rough patch during college, but that's an old story. Anyway, we met again several years ago and fallen back in love. She has already had a huge career as she managed to be a human capital manager at a notable firm in the city, meanwhile I am just an insurance agent for like 7 years, frustrating that this job would never got me anywhere.

And then I kill her.
I look at the same floor, I told her, we were gonna live here. But now the floor is full of blood.

"You want this house, are you sure? Isn't this a lil bit smaller than what I have showed you before? We'll have a garden and a swimming pool James."
"No sweetie, since you're paying, I am not gonna proud of it anyway, Carol. You should be treated the way you are, because you are special. You deserve a husband, who is not only buying you a house, but even a whole world. I promise you, this won't be our permanent house. I would gain more money and buy you a place worth living, better than here, better than any house you've ever dreamed of. And since it's not permanent, please save your money." I whispered, gazed deeply to her beautiful mesmerizing eyes, to the warmth of her presence.

To now, I still cannot believe that she is my wife. I mean, I am not a special person whatsoever. Yeah I used to be a man with high ego and everything. But I am nothing compared to her. She used to be my unicorn, crazy special, the girl that I thought would never exist. But as I found her, and the moment when I introduced myself to that new girl at the third grade, was the moment I cherish the most. I was the luckiest guy in the whole world.

But I kill her.
I want to run away, but my knee acts like my enemy. Shivering all over my body, my mind cannot take any action regarding on how shocked I am. I try so hard to stand but it is as hard as finding a better job than being an insurance agent for 7 years. I have no hope.

I remember almost everything. The greatest first date ever, how her eyes colored like the sun sets on the ocean, stared back at me, full of love. The time when my knee acted stupid as well, the time I proposed to her. And there's the time we married, between her warm touch to her hot burning passion. How she left everything just to be with me. And then how she finally got sick of me.

Yes I kill her. Slowly and painfully, but never intentionally. At least I won't admit that. I slowly become such a pain in the ass. She worked hard every night and I was there with hundred maybe thousand of promises that never came true. I was too afraid to face the world so I caught an addiction in alcohol. Beer was my favorite friend every night. It made me forget all the horrible things I did to my life and dragged my wife onto it as well. Slowly I was more familiar with violence, rant and abuse.

Yes, I kill her heart, I kill her feeling. The feeling I once felt so lucky to have it from her.

I kill her heart but never her life. I cannot do such a thing, even with the influence from the alcohol. So I grab this kitchen knife and walk through her.

I stab myself. I am ending the misery my life has, the whole time. I am ending the misery I have caused to my wife. And by those begin a whole new world.

I am shocked, looking at my hands holding this knife. A stream of warm blood is running through the floor, my own blood. A lot of pain comes from a hole on my stomach, feels like having a heart attack. I need to find the gate, go out to the hospital, do whatever it takes to remove this pain.

What have I done?!
Everything is blur. They say, that your whole life flashes before your eyes when you're about to die. It is true. I am seeing every moment of my life with her, which leads me here.

But Caroline is in that room, she realizes the thing that just happened. She holds the knife, throws it out and starts to yell for help. But before the last flashes come up to my head, I can see where the light's leaving her eyes. And everything becomes dark.

--------------
 
Epilogue: Flashes After Your Eyes

I came home early today, I'd gotten three new customers already at this very brief hours. I planned to buy her red roses and made her a very romantic dinner date at our home, she must be surprised when she arrived from work. I was so excited and walked to the kitchen. But eventually I wasn't alone, there was a voice inside my bedroom.

I carefully stepped my foot as quiet as possible, made my way to the bedroom, while suddenly the door was opened from the inside. I was hurrying, hidden myself behind the sofa and took a peep. There's a man who buttoned his shirt and then Caroline came up from the bedroom in her underwear, kissed him a goodbye as he rushed towards the door and gone in a few minutes.

Still hidden behind the sofa, I was very shocked to see that thing. My heart was broken as I quietly took a walk to the nearest bar from my home and started drinking. And I couldn't stop. There was the beginning of every alcohol, violence, rant and abuse.

--------------


I wake up and eventually find myself in a hospital ward. My stomach is still felt hurt but I am overjoyed. It is all worked! It didn't matter actually if I'm dead, I had suffered too much anyway, but this healing process is really way better. You know what, I explain to you why, it is either:

a.) I will make her suffer very much in jail. The police would get this great alibi that she got rid of me so then she could really be with the man she has an affair with, or she is so stressful of our solitary lives where I always went out for drinking. Her fingerprints and everything are in the right place, right? Or

b.) If the police doesn't buy it and she is out of jail. I know she still love me whatsoever, hence she would be forced to love me more. How? I can say that I killed myself because I knew she was cheating on me and my heart is broken. That I couldn't live without her, and I was scared, that I chose to die rather than being left by her. And I apologize to be a bad husband but I'll try to be better, pretty much all those gooey romantic line all you girls usually watch in a movie. I know her, she would feel guilty and eventually lives in a guilty feeling for the rest of her life, with me.

Either way, the control is in me now.

Welcome to a whole new world, Caroline.
Revenge is a very sweet thing, isn't it?

Days From Disaster

Warning: Don't be misguided by the title, it is actually some sort of funny story..
With a tragic ending, no, no, really, who am i kidding.
I saved the cruel-evil part for my next Short Story Halloween Edition, so this should be enlightening.

Just like the documentary Seconds From Disaster, Days From Disaster is based on a true story.
Reader discretion is advised.

02:30:18:21 - The Beginner Perplexity
Once upon a time, I met my best friend's ex, whose name is Nathan, who apparently was still hoping wanted to celebrate my best friend Maya's birthday. We met at MKG to plan a surprise from him to her, when the first of many other disasters started to approach us. So I just got out of my shuttle when (for the first time ever, since I started taking my shuttle 3 years ago), I unfortunately experienced the street blocking. There were some Carnivals and Parades so they closed the street and the access to the Mall. I was surprised while knowing he had been inside already, but he also trapped there. For almost one hour, I searched the way to go inside with many other people. Some of other people even climbed up the wall while I refused to do the same way. When I was ready to give up, they opened the entrance. Finally, we met for the first time. As you could see, it was all started from a disaster.
 
01:19:24:18 - Bad Luck Continuance
I had another unexpected class while my subscription for the shuttle had been expired so, Nathan offered to help pick me up to college every weekdays for one week. Unfortunately the disaster kept happening for the whole 5 consecutive days.
Day 1: He was late and since it was his first time to pick me up to college, we were lost for few hours meanwhile he drove like a turtle. 
Day 2: His fuel was suddenly empty and we were stuck, pushed the motorcycle in the middle of the night to find a gas station.
Day 3: His tire was suddenly leaked and we were stuck, pushed the motorcycle in the middle of the night to find a workshop. (I can't believe I have to just Copy-Paste this words)
Day 4: His motorcycle was broken (go to hell) while he was picking me up. Why didn't it break before he pick me up? So yes, he pushed the motorcycle in the middle of the night to find a workshop. And i could believe by the end of day 5, he could have a six-pack which gratefully said, it didn't happen. But for what in the world we got home by a vehicle, if I wanted to go home by foot, no need to bother making a plan.
Day 5: Nothing happened. No ran out of gas, nor flat-tire, nor another broken machine. I was completely amazed on how that day could just run smoothly. I arrived at my home and uttered my wonder. He said that before he picked me up, he passed a narrow street carefully while suddenly all motorcycle parked beside the street were fallen down and the police came. He ran away as fast as he can. I couldn't help but laughed so hard at him.

01:15:29:10 - Winter-tale Emergency

I had an emergency things for my Thesis. As usual his heroic side were appeared as he accepted to help me out again. We got out, and suddenly a big storm, rain drench and cold attacked us without mercy. He got sick after that, once again became a victim of Disaster's curse.


01:09:13:19 - Fast Food Incident
We had another hang out (and dinner) session after work, so he picked me up at office as usual. Suddenly another rain drench attacked (and from now on, rain is officially our biggest enemy!). He got cold outside, waited, shivered, suffered below the tree. I wanted to just went home when he texted me, asked me to wait inside the building, so I didn't get wet and suffered like he did. My office friends asked me to go to McD with them by my office car. I called Nathan to ask him whether I could joined my friend to McD instead. He said he's fine and hung up. I thought that he was angry, but I still went out with my office friend anyway. Amazingly, he really was fine with it, he then picked me up on McD, drove me home. And from that time on, I knew that he is a really really great friend. It is indeed a precious friendship I should keep. Another disaster to go!

00:06:07:12 - The Ancient Bummer
We had fun by going to a Theme Park, it was overall a really stable condition. The day was sunny, the motorcycle was fine, the typical blue-skies-with-some-cartoon-bird-singing-along-through-a-musical I guess. I was really enjoying a lot of exciting ride while suddenly he said that he saw my ex there. I was shocked and looked around, got ready to embrace another disaster. But he then told that he was joking around and laughed like a devil. I got upset and chased him. By the end of the day, we got home and I was online when something showed up on my Facebook Newsfeed. My ex updated his location in the same Theme Park that day. I freaked out, it was true. What a bummer! Even the most exciting and fun thing to do (as innocent as going to a theme park) could turn into another disaster, oh well.

00:03:30:20 - Transformer Dilemma
So me and Nathan watched a new popular movie in the cinema. We got hurry from the office to catch up the premier which was predicted to be full of people. We even queued in a long line patiently. I thought that another disaster would come (like when we finally arrived into the counter, the ticket was sold out). But surprisingly, we got two great seats and went to the food court to wait for the showtime. The ticket was actually a little bit out of range but it didn't matter because we got it after a struggle called "queue-ing". Suddenly my mom called and angrily asked me to go home soon because (according to her) it's midnight already. Well, disaster came without anyone expect. We succeeded in buying the ticket and meaninglessly thrown it out later as Nathan asked me to just go home and obeyed my mom's command.
 
00:02:09:21 - Birthday Complexity
Disaster on a birthday? What could have been worse than that? Well yeah, for the first time in my life, I got stuck at my office on my birthday. My boss asked me to work overtime because there was some important deadlines. I don't need to go on the details about this disaster because I have told it thousand times above. But who could say that waiting outside the house full of mosquitos to give a birthday surprise for more than 3 hours was a nice lovely thing? Oh yeah everybody loves to give some blood charity to these cute mosquitos.

00:00:06:00 - Ultimate Disaster Countdown
I am honestly afraid as the countdown number getting fewer. The fact that Nathan will go outside the city as he accepted the promotion at his office in 6 more days is simply the greatest disaster above all. 6 more days from now, he's gone. And as i have experienced it, male friends are different with female friends. Unlike male friends, you could still connect with female friends who lived in another city. But with male friends, the excitement is when you really meet them and joke around. Texting regularly with male friends couldn't result any positive outcome. So yeah based on another experience, the friendship was completely over once they moved out..

There will be a farewell on Wednesday, but I don't know what happen after that.

And now, I am counting down..
to that one greatest last Disaster.

Happily Ever Faster

"Finally the prince met the princess and they married and lived happily ever after."
“Why does the prince always come at the end of the story, why couldn’t he come faster?”
“Let me ask you first, why wouldn’t you sleep faster, sweetheart? It’s night already. You have to go to school early tomorrow, okay.” She slowly pulled the blanket and turned off the light.

Closed the door behind her, she then walked down the street. No wonder the street was so quiet this time, it’s been midnight already. She walked across the street while suddenly two bright lights appeared in front of her. A car suddenly showed up without decreasing its speed.

And there's no time to get out of the way.

-------------------------------------------


"Who's calling you this early?" Felicia asked and showed up at Penelope's desk. “Hey Penny, are you listening?” She waved her hand at Penelope’s face.
"Yeah, sorry Fel, that is Mrs Cunningham Herbal something I guess, hahaha, she asked whether I get a headache, or feel confuse, and she knows the answer for my problem. I mean, please, I don't have any problem. Marketing strategy to sell stuff is getting way more creative nowadays. We have to learn from her. Anyway, I wanna thank you for the iPod Fel, it really understands me."
"No way Penny, it's nothing. Happy birthday to you once again! I'm glad you like it."
"No, no I mean, it really understands me. I played one song, and in the middle of the song, I feel like I wanna hear other song, let's say Michael Buble. And guess the next song? Exactly how I imagined it, I heard it. It always played that way."

Suddenly Michael Buble's Everything played on the iPod.

"See? So thank you so much for the gift Fel! I loved it so much."
"Yeah whatever, as long as you happy. So Penny, I stop by to tell you that I'm going out today, have another Market Visit with Henry! So see ya tomorrow mate!"
"Wait Fel, you look very happy today because of, these? Please Fel, I told you-"
“Penny, please, we have talked about this, and you have agreed with me right”
“Yeah I know Fel, you like him, he likes you, but you and Henry cannot be together because he is your supervisor”
“Yes Penny, if the relationship failed, me and Henry break up, I am literally in hell! Okay before you can say another word, which can make me late even more, I gotta go now. See ya tomorrow mate.” Felicia lifted her bag to her shoulder as she walked to the elevator.

But not until 5 minutes later, Felicia looked like she was forgetting something and ran back to Penelope's desk. “Hey Penny! Listen, I have just met your Prince came here riding his white horse” Felicia suddenly talked with the loudest voice she could ever shout while still caught her breath, followed by the loudest laugh that wasn’t helping at all.

“Bloody hell, turn down your volume Fel, the whole office can hear you for God sake!”

Felicia looked embarrassed for a while then continued with a very low pitched voice but still at the same amount of enthusiasm. “So listen Penny, I met this guy at the elevator, guess what he’s wearing! Guess what he looks like!”
“Feli sweetie, please. If you want to say something, can you slow down a little bit, please?”
“Alright, okay, so I have just met this guy at the elevator, not too thin, not to tall, dark brown hair-”
“blue eyes?”
“yes”
“not wearing a glasses?”
“exactly! And he wore a suit, real tiddy, and guess the other thing he brought!”
“what?!”
“a headphone connected to his iPod, and a cup of Starbucks!” shouted Felicia again.
“green tea soya latte?”
“exactly Penny, exactly! I mean who’ll go to Starbucks without buying a coffee?”
“Fel, you know me-”
“Yeah, and this guy! It was like you guys born to be with each other!”
“So why in the world I have never met this bloody amazing perfect Prince that you’re talking about Fel?”
“Because he is new here, Penny honey! I had a little conversation in the elevator, and he is a new employee on IT Department. His name is Leonard-"

"- Fitzroy" suddenly a good-looking man came to finish Felicia's sentence.
"Oh well, hello there, we met at the elevator- Penny, I got to go, it's late already, cheerio!" Felicia left as fast as she could, after making a nosy face behind Leo's back.

Now it's just Penelope and Leonard, and the awkwardness floated around them.

“Hey, nice iPod there!” Leo talked, broke the silence.
“Yeah, hi! We’ve never met right? Are you new here? I'm Penelope, Penelope Miles, but just call me Penny." Penelope shrugged her hands, offered a handshake.
"I'm, as you might have already known from your friend Felicia, I'm Leonard Fitzroy." He responded to the handshake.
"Well Leo, so welcome to the office. I heard you met my friend on the elevator. Please forgive her if she's a little bit loud and so cheerful, but she's one of the best girl I know."
"Yeah, inspiring, hahaha, anyway, I happened to be new at town as well. So would you come show me around? Let's say, a cup of coffee with me after office hour?" He asked while glanced at a Starbucks cup on her desk.

"Yeah, sure, why not.. Hey Leo"
“Yeah”
“Your face feels like familiar, have we met before?”

-------------------------------------------
 
 
"Good morning Penny!” Felicia got back to her cheerful yet annoying face. “So how was Friday?”
“Wow, it’s Monday already, how could days pass so fast?”
“Yeah yeah, time flies- Penny, please don’t change the subject.”
“I don’t wanna talk about it.”
“Why Penny why? I am dying here!” Felicia showed her very curious expression.
“Fine! You wanna hear it? Well Leo is not interested in me, he’s into you.”
“WHAT?!”
“Yeah he asked whether it was you who talked about him two days ago. He asked about your status, I said that you are single.”
“Well Penny, you know that I am with Henry-“
“But isn’t that make you still single right? Or is it?”
“Yes you’re right, I am single. Oh Penny how I wish life is as simple as fairytale. I like him, he likes me, we’re getting married and lived happily ever after.”
“Well, life is not a fairytale.”
“Yes it is not. Oh Penny, sometimes I just wish I can skip the process, right to the end where we live happily ever after. So I don’t have to get hurt, to have this pain, fear, uncertainty.”

“Yes Fel, you’re right. These all hurts. When would we be really happy?”
“Right now! What are you talking about Penny? Or is it the cold feet? Yes it might be! I got the cold feet too five months ago- but you stay with me the whole time- make me doing the right thing by marrying Henry, so I’m here for you right now.” It’s unbelievable how Felicia could just throw out a lot of things in one deep breath. She looked panic while still forcing a little smile on her face.
“Penny you better go now, go.” Felicia pushed her back a little then helped opening the big door.

Penelope looked around and got very shock. She walked down a long alley that turned out to be an aisle in a very long white dress. Her dad showed up and grabbed her right arm.

And right there in front of her was Leonard, stood still with the happiest face ever.

What is going on! What happen! It is not a relationship! It is a bloody marriage! A lot of things ran out of Penelope’s mind. Suddenly a big headache came, then the panic attacked. Shivering all over her body, she forced her stiff foot to slowly move ahead.

“Leonard Charles Fitzroy, do you take Penelope Arianna Miles to be your lawful wedded wife? Do you promise to be true to her in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, to love her and honor her all the days of your life?”
“I do”
“Penelope Arianna Miles, do you take Leonard Charles Fitzroy to be your lawful wedded husband? Do you promise to be true to him in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, to love him and honor him all the days of your life?”
“I err.. I”

The judging stared from the audiences made her headache even worse. The only things she knew about him was that, he’s not interested in her. He is into Felicia! The unsympathetic whispers started to be heard, got louder and louder. The cold wind crawled behind her neck, little by little, strangled her, crushed her heart. And the slight tremble came out of control in all part of her body as she tried to step forward. She breathed deeply then closed her eyes. The tears started to fill her eyes in, broke it into a thousand pieces. She couldn’t do it.

She couldn’t do it how she really wanted it so bad. She hated herself so much as she ran away outside the building. Penelope heard some footsteps behind her but she didn’t stop. She pulled herself in a narrow alley next to a red brick building, not so far from her marriage venue.

“Penny is it happening again?” The sound of an old lady from behind her back screwed the hell out of her. Penelope then looked upon and found a-middle-age woman stood behind her. She didn’t recognize that woman’s face.

“Who are you? How do you know my name?”

“Wait, you don’t remember? Oh so the memory’s disappeared when she did it.” The woman’s lower her voice like she was talking to herself before continued facing Penny and talked to her. ”Let me introduce myself, I am Bertha Cunningham. We are best friend here, but apparently we haven’t met in your current version of memory.”

“What did you mean? Wait, you are the woman who called me recently”

“Well, I had explained everything to you 3 months ago when we first met and you confusedly asked to me how you could suddenly ended up engage to Leo. Long story short, I guess I knew your problem. It’s in your mind.”

“I don’t understand” Penelope said weakly.

“You had a car accident three years ago, right? Dr Minkowski, your doctor, called and told me about your rare case which is also a part of my field research. You had an injury in your brain. There’s a paralyzed-brain-tissue, but you surprisingly survived while none others did. I tried to contact you ever since, but you never responded. Up until three months ago when you suddenly called me back and we met. Your facial expression was the same as I’ve seen today and you told me that you really confused, you were engaged to a person you didn’t even know. You told me: the last thing you knew, you were in your office answered to my phone call.” Dr Cunningham stopped for a while, then continued. “You know what? It doesn’t matter Penny, because you’ll forget and be your usual mind in a few minutes. Oh wait, Penny, what is the last thing you remember right now?”
“I was chatting with my friend about this new guy, Leo Fitzroy and suddenly I am marrying him! Wait Mrs Cunningham, what year is it right now?
“2017 Penny, why do you ask that?”
“I was chatting with Felicia at 2014! So my mind can do time-travel! I cannot believe it. And then you said it doesn’t matter, because I would forget all these 2017ish”
“I don’t know Penny, but I guess? You obviously forget the last time you visited here.”

“Well, life is not a fairytale.”

“Yes it is not. Oh Penny, sometimes I just wish I can skip the process, right to the end where we live happily ever after. So I don’t have to get hurt, to have this pain, fear, uncertainty-- Wait, Penny, hey Penny, are you even listening?” Felicia waved her hand at Penelope’s face, annoyed that Penelope has ignored her words again.

“Yeah sorry Fel, wait, what did you say?”
“Why did you daydreaming a lot recently Penny? What’s the matter? Have something in mind?”
“I don’t know Fel, I felt dizzy, I had a headache I guess.”
“Are you alright? You really have to get your total recovery from the accident Penny, you can still rest at home.”
“No I am fine Fel, hey what do you say before?”
“I said that I feel like I want to skip the process, Penny, right to the end where we lived happily ever after-“ suddenly Penelope interrupted Felicia’s word. “Fel, I feel like we’ve talked about this before, you and me, in this place, at the exact same condition.”
“What Penny? You mean like Déjà vu?”
“Yeah I guess Fel. So, yeah, in response to your statement, I should say that I disagree with it. I don’t feel like I want to skip the process Fel, I mean, the pain and the fear are the things, which keep happiness alive. If we live in the world of the every-second-is-happiness, then there would be no happiness at all. Everything would felt the same. And I think, if we skip the process, then we would have missed the struggle, then we would never learn to appreciate, to respect things more. All we can do is to find our purpose, to keep moving, to face all of our fear, whatever life may take us because, those are things that can make us stronger.” Penelope got closer to Felicia, continued her words. “And as for you Fel, you really are lucky that you have found one of your purpose, all you have to do is to walk through it, face it. I know you can do it.”

“I think you’re right Penny, I should talk to Henry now. I should take the risk and face all my fears, because it is worth it.” Felicia stood from the chair and walked towards the elevator before she stopped in the middle, got back to Penelope’s desk and said that very important word.

“It is not just me, i think you ALSO have found your purpose. Don’t give up on Leo yet, Penny.”

22

Once upon a time, I didn't even actually guess that I'll get tagged, but things happened. So yeah, I have been tagged to the recently popular "20 Things About Me" on Instagram but since I don't want to post any photo on my IG, I moved it here. And since 20 is close to 22, I'll do 22 things then. Just consider the plus 2 as bonus, so here we go.

1. My favorite number is absolutely not 4 8 15 16 23 42 hahaha, it is 8, 18 and ultimately 22, taken from my birthday date, so that's the reason I made this to be "22 Things About Me"

2. Sometimes I can be way too personal. That's one of another reason why I decided to not talking in Social Media too much, and write these things on my blog. Hey, people ain't read blog that much, right?

3. I love US Series. Have tried several recently like FWBL, Devious Maid, Law & Order, NCIS, CSI, True Blood, Revenge, Grey's Anatomy, 90210, Heroes, the slightly funny TBBT and even the breathtaking LOST, but none has the ability to ever defeat the after-more-than-3-times-rewatch-of-every-episode-but-still-the-most-awesome-of-all HIMYM

4. Ironically, as hard as I have given myself a shot onto watched Full House, Boys Before Flower, all that stuff, I couldn't like it even a bit. Yes, I don't prefer the Korean Series.

5. So yeah, US movies make a lot more sense to me, that's when I love 500 Days of Summer and Inception.

6. The thing that I like other than watch great movies, is to sing. That's why I love Karaoke so much.

7. I am very much into western music, the music you like to hear in radio right now they call it as a new song, sorry man it has been on my previous month playlist.

8. Speaking of music, I am a die hard fans of Justin Timberlake. I mean, who can beat an awesome successful guy full of talent, great dance with a classy sleek style and a nice suit and tie

9. And by mentioning the nice suit, it's not going to be complete without mentioning the guy who invented the catchphrase "Suit Up!" Yes, Barney Stinson, you are 100% awesome.

10. If I can have my own catchphrase, It would be "When life gives you lemon, give it to other people. Because you don't like to eat fruit." Or else we can say it's a quote, if it's too long to be a catchphrase.

11. So you heard me, I don't like fruit, juice or whatever product based on natural fruit. But it is fine by me if it's just the extract which came through some sort of chemical process.

12. I don't like vegetable either, eventhough I can still eat it if it is well hidden in my food.

13. But hey, I can have an Ovo-Lacto Vegetarian as my diet program. I love egg and cheese and milk big enough to make them as my only menu to eat everyday.

14. In the contrary to what I have just said, I have too much love for McD beef burger and fries as well, so then the diet program has always been a tough one for me.

See? How can you refuse it, right?

15. Which bring us to one of my biggest fear: getting fat (again).

16. Oh yeah, I have ever been a fat girl in the past, twice.

17. That might happened because I don't really like sports.

18. I don't really like sports doesn't mean I don't do it. The times I do sport, I prefer to play the workout game on my PS named Dance-Dance Revolution and jumped a lot.

Hell yeah that's my score

19. Going to gym and swimming regularly are two of my resolution that haven't come up to be a reality.

20. Since the number will be finished soon, I have to say that I love Design as much as I love Marketing Communication right now.

21. And that Dufan is the greatest place ever created on earth.

22. Finally, I type all of these posts, and in fact, all the Shorts that I have always been loved to write, by a qwerty keypad on my BB.