Flashes Before Your Eyes

I am shocked, looking at my hands holding a kitchen knife. A stream of warm blood is running through the floor.

What have I done?!

I feel like having a sudden heart attack. Everything is blur. I'll get back on my knees, run and flee as fast as I can.

There's the gate, I need to get out of here, right now. I look around the room and see the light leaving her eyes.

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"This is the house that I want, sweetheart." I said it to her. Caroline that's her name. I met her at high school. Had a little rough patch during college, but that's an old story. Anyway, we met again several years ago and fallen back in love. She has already had a huge career as she managed to be a human capital manager at a notable firm in the city, meanwhile I am just an insurance agent for like 7 years, frustrating that this job would never got me anywhere.

And then I kill her.
I look at the same floor, I told her, we were gonna live here. But now the floor is full of blood.

"You want this house, are you sure? Isn't this a lil bit smaller than what I have showed you before? We'll have a garden and a swimming pool James."
"No sweetie, since you're paying, I am not gonna proud of it anyway, Carol. You should be treated the way you are, because you are special. You deserve a husband, who is not only buying you a house, but even a whole world. I promise you, this won't be our permanent house. I would gain more money and buy you a place worth living, better than here, better than any house you've ever dreamed of. And since it's not permanent, please save your money." I whispered, gazed deeply to her beautiful mesmerizing eyes, to the warmth of her presence.

To now, I still cannot believe that she is my wife. I mean, I am not a special person whatsoever. Yeah I used to be a man with high ego and everything. But I am nothing compared to her. She used to be my unicorn, crazy special, the girl that I thought would never exist. But as I found her, and the moment when I introduced myself to that new girl at the third grade, was the moment I cherish the most. I was the luckiest guy in the whole world.

But I kill her.
I want to run away, but my knee acts like my enemy. Shivering all over my body, my mind cannot take any action regarding on how shocked I am. I try so hard to stand but it is as hard as finding a better job than being an insurance agent for 7 years. I have no hope.

I remember almost everything. The greatest first date ever, how her eyes colored like the sun sets on the ocean, stared back at me, full of love. The time when my knee acted stupid as well, the time I proposed to her. And there's the time we married, between her warm touch to her hot burning passion. How she left everything just to be with me. And then how she finally got sick of me.

Yes I kill her. Slowly and painfully, but never intentionally. At least I won't admit that. I slowly become such a pain in the ass. She worked hard every night and I was there with hundred maybe thousand of promises that never came true. I was too afraid to face the world so I caught an addiction in alcohol. Beer was my favorite friend every night. It made me forget all the horrible things I did to my life and dragged my wife onto it as well. Slowly I was more familiar with violence, rant and abuse.

Yes, I kill her heart, I kill her feeling. The feeling I once felt so lucky to have it from her.

I kill her heart but never her life. I cannot do such a thing, even with the influence from the alcohol. So I grab this kitchen knife and walk through her.

I stab myself. I am ending the misery my life has, the whole time. I am ending the misery I have caused to my wife. And by those begin a whole new world.

I am shocked, looking at my hands holding this knife. A stream of warm blood is running through the floor, my own blood. A lot of pain comes from a hole on my stomach, feels like having a heart attack. I need to find the gate, go out to the hospital, do whatever it takes to remove this pain.

What have I done?!
Everything is blur. They say, that your whole life flashes before your eyes when you're about to die. It is true. I am seeing every moment of my life with her, which leads me here.

But Caroline is in that room, she realizes the thing that just happened. She holds the knife, throws it out and starts to yell for help. But before the last flashes come up to my head, I can see where the light's leaving her eyes. And everything becomes dark.

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Epilogue: Flashes After Your Eyes

I came home early today, I'd gotten three new customers already at this very brief hours. I planned to buy her red roses and made her a very romantic dinner date at our home, she must be surprised when she arrived from work. I was so excited and walked to the kitchen. But eventually I wasn't alone, there was a voice inside my bedroom.

I carefully stepped my foot as quiet as possible, made my way to the bedroom, while suddenly the door was opened from the inside. I was hurrying, hidden myself behind the sofa and took a peep. There's a man who buttoned his shirt and then Caroline came up from the bedroom in her underwear, kissed him a goodbye as he rushed towards the door and gone in a few minutes.

Still hidden behind the sofa, I was very shocked to see that thing. My heart was broken as I quietly took a walk to the nearest bar from my home and started drinking. And I couldn't stop. There was the beginning of every alcohol, violence, rant and abuse.

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I wake up and eventually find myself in a hospital ward. My stomach is still felt hurt but I am overjoyed. It is all worked! It didn't matter actually if I'm dead, I had suffered too much anyway, but this healing process is really way better. You know what, I explain to you why, it is either:

a.) I will make her suffer very much in jail. The police would get this great alibi that she got rid of me so then she could really be with the man she has an affair with, or she is so stressful of our solitary lives where I always went out for drinking. Her fingerprints and everything are in the right place, right? Or

b.) If the police doesn't buy it and she is out of jail. I know she still love me whatsoever, hence she would be forced to love me more. How? I can say that I killed myself because I knew she was cheating on me and my heart is broken. That I couldn't live without her, and I was scared, that I chose to die rather than being left by her. And I apologize to be a bad husband but I'll try to be better, pretty much all those gooey romantic line all you girls usually watch in a movie. I know her, she would feel guilty and eventually lives in a guilty feeling for the rest of her life, with me.

Either way, the control is in me now.

Welcome to a whole new world, Caroline.
Revenge is a very sweet thing, isn't it?