I am shocked, looking at my hands holding a kitchen knife. A stream of warm blood is running through the floor.
What have I done?!
I feel like having a sudden heart attack. Everything is blur. I'll get back on my knees, run and flee as fast as I can.
There's the gate, I need to get out of here, right now. I look around the room and see the light leaving her eyes.
--------------
"This is the house that I want, sweetheart." I said it to her. Caroline that's her name. I met her at high school. Had a little rough patch during college, but that's an old story. Anyway, we met again several years ago and fallen back in love. She has already had a huge career as she managed to be a human capital manager at a notable firm in the city, meanwhile I am just an insurance agent for like 7 years, frustrating that this job would never got me anywhere.
And then I kill her.
I look at the same floor, I told her, we were gonna live here. But now the floor is full of blood.
"You want this house, are you sure? Isn't this a lil bit smaller than what I have showed you before? We'll have a garden and a swimming pool James."
"No sweetie, since you're paying, I am not gonna proud of it anyway, Carol. You should be treated the way you are, because you are special. You deserve a husband, who is not only buying you a house, but even a whole world. I promise you, this won't be our permanent house. I would gain more money and buy you a place worth living, better than here, better than any house you've ever dreamed of. And since it's not permanent, please save your money." I whispered, gazed deeply to her beautiful mesmerizing eyes, to the warmth of her presence.
To now, I still cannot believe that she is my wife. I mean, I am not a special person whatsoever. Yeah I used to be a man with high ego and everything. But I am nothing compared to her. She used to be my unicorn, crazy special, the girl that I thought would never exist. But as I found her, and the moment when I introduced myself to that new girl at the third grade, was the moment I cherish the most. I was the luckiest guy in the whole world.
But I kill her.
I want to run away, but my knee acts like my enemy. Shivering all over my body, my mind cannot take any action regarding on how shocked I am. I try so hard to stand but it is as hard as finding a better job than being an insurance agent for 7 years. I have no hope.
I remember almost everything. The greatest first date ever, how her eyes colored like the sun sets on the ocean, stared back at me, full of love. The time when my knee acted stupid as well, the time I proposed to her. And there's the time we married, between her warm touch to her hot burning passion. How she left everything just to be with me. And then how she finally got sick of me.
Yes I kill her. Slowly and painfully, but never intentionally. At least I won't admit that. I slowly become such a pain in the ass. She worked hard every night and I was there with hundred maybe thousand of promises that never came true. I was too afraid to face the world so I caught an addiction in alcohol. Beer was my favorite friend every night. It made me forget all the horrible things I did to my life and dragged my wife onto it as well. Slowly I was more familiar with violence, rant and abuse.
Yes, I kill her heart, I kill her feeling. The feeling I once felt so lucky to have it from her.
I kill her heart but never her life. I cannot do such a thing, even with the influence from the alcohol. So I grab this kitchen knife and walk through her.
I stab myself. I am ending the misery my life has, the whole time. I am ending the misery I have caused to my wife. And by those begin a whole new world.
I am shocked, looking at my hands holding this knife. A stream of warm blood is running through the floor, my own blood. A lot of pain comes from a hole on my stomach, feels like having a heart attack. I need to find the gate, go out to the hospital, do whatever it takes to remove this pain.
What have I done?!
Everything is blur. They say, that your whole life flashes before your eyes when you're about to die. It is true. I am seeing every moment of my life with her, which leads me here.
But Caroline is in that room, she realizes the thing that just happened. She holds the knife, throws it out and starts to yell for help. But before the last flashes come up to my head, I can see where the light's leaving her eyes. And everything becomes dark.
--------------
Epilogue: Flashes After Your Eyes
I came home early today, I'd gotten three new customers already at this very brief hours. I planned to buy her red roses and made her a very romantic dinner date at our home, she must be surprised when she arrived from work. I was so excited and walked to the kitchen. But eventually I wasn't alone, there was a voice inside my bedroom.
I carefully stepped my foot as quiet as possible, made my way to the bedroom, while suddenly the door was opened from the inside. I was hurrying, hidden myself behind the sofa and took a peep. There's a man who buttoned his shirt and then Caroline came up from the bedroom in her underwear, kissed him a goodbye as he rushed towards the door and gone in a few minutes.
Still hidden behind the sofa, I was very shocked to see that thing. My heart was broken as I quietly took a walk to the nearest bar from my home and started drinking. And I couldn't stop. There was the beginning of every alcohol, violence, rant and abuse.
--------------
I wake up and eventually find myself in a hospital ward. My stomach is still felt hurt but I am overjoyed. It is all worked! It didn't matter actually if I'm dead, I had suffered too much anyway, but this healing process is really way better. You know what, I explain to you why, it is either:
a.) I will make her suffer very much in jail. The police would get this great alibi that she got rid of me so then she could really be with the man she has an affair with, or she is so stressful of our solitary lives where I always went out for drinking. Her fingerprints and everything are in the right place, right? Or
b.) If the police doesn't buy it and she is out of jail. I know she still love me whatsoever, hence she would be forced to love me more. How? I can say that I killed myself because I knew she was cheating on me and my heart is broken. That I couldn't live without her, and I was scared, that I chose to die rather than being left by her. And I apologize to be a bad husband but I'll try to be better, pretty much all those gooey romantic line all you girls usually watch in a movie. I know her, she would feel guilty and eventually lives in a guilty feeling for the rest of her life, with me.
Either way, the control is in me now.
Welcome to a whole new world, Caroline.
Revenge is a very sweet thing, isn't it?
Warning: Don't be misguided by the title, it is actually some sort of funny story..
With a tragic ending, no, no, really, who am i kidding.
I saved the cruel-evil part for my next Short Story Halloween Edition, so this should be enlightening.
Just like the documentary Seconds From Disaster, Days From Disaster is based on a true story.
Reader discretion is advised.
02:30:18:21 - The Beginner Perplexity
Once upon a time, I met my best friend's ex, whose name is Nathan, who apparently was still hoping wanted to celebrate my best friend Maya's birthday. We met at MKG to plan a surprise from him to her, when the first of many other disasters started to approach us. So I just got out of my shuttle when (for the first time ever, since I started taking my shuttle 3 years ago), I unfortunately experienced the street blocking. There were some Carnivals and Parades so they closed the street and the access to the Mall. I was surprised while knowing he had been inside already, but he also trapped there. For almost one hour, I searched the way to go inside with many other people. Some of other people even climbed up the wall while I refused to do the same way. When I was ready to give up, they opened the entrance. Finally, we met for the first time. As you could see, it was all started from a disaster.
01:19:24:18 - Bad Luck Continuance
I had
another unexpected class while my subscription for the shuttle had been
expired so, Nathan offered
to help pick me up to college every weekdays for one week. Unfortunately the disaster kept happening
for the whole 5 consecutive days.
Day 1: He was late and since it was his first time to pick me up to college, we were lost for few hours meanwhile he drove like a turtle.
Day 2: His fuel was suddenly empty and we were stuck, pushed the motorcycle in the middle of the night to find a gas station.
Day 3: His tire was suddenly leaked and we were stuck, pushed the motorcycle in the middle of the night to find a workshop. (I can't believe I have to just Copy-Paste this words)
Day 4: His motorcycle was broken (go to hell) while he was picking me up. Why didn't it break before he pick me up? So yes, he pushed the motorcycle in the middle of the night to find a workshop. And i could believe by the end of day 5, he could have a six-pack which gratefully said, it didn't happen. But for what in the world we got home by a vehicle, if I wanted to go home by foot, no need to bother making a plan.
Day 5: Nothing happened. No ran out of gas, nor flat-tire, nor another broken machine. I was completely amazed on how that day could just run smoothly. I arrived at my home and uttered my wonder. He said that before he picked me up, he passed a narrow street carefully while suddenly all motorcycle parked beside the street were fallen down and the police came. He ran away as fast as he can. I couldn't help but laughed so hard at him.
01:15:29:10 - Winter-tale Emergency
I had an emergency things for my Thesis. As usual his heroic side were appeared as he accepted to help me out again. We got out, and suddenly a big storm, rain drench and cold attacked us without mercy. He got sick after that, once again became a victim of Disaster's curse.
01:09:13:19 - Fast Food Incident
We had another hang out (and dinner) session after work, so he picked me up at office as usual. Suddenly another rain drench attacked (and from now on, rain is officially our biggest enemy!). He got cold outside, waited, shivered, suffered below the tree. I wanted to just went home when he texted me, asked me to wait inside the building, so I didn't get wet and suffered like he did. My office friends asked me to go to McD with them by my office car. I called Nathan to ask him whether I could joined my friend to McD instead. He said he's fine and hung up. I thought that he was angry, but I still went out with my office friend anyway. Amazingly, he really was fine with it, he then picked me up on McD, drove me home. And from that time on, I knew that he is a really really great friend. It is indeed a precious friendship I should keep. Another disaster to go!
00:06:07:12 - The Ancient Bummer
We
had fun by going to a Theme Park, it was overall a really stable condition. The day was sunny, the motorcycle was fine, the typical blue-skies-with-some-cartoon-bird-singing-along-through-a-musical I guess. I was really enjoying a lot of exciting ride while suddenly he said that he saw my ex there. I was shocked and looked around, got ready to embrace another disaster. But he then told that he was joking around and laughed like a devil. I got upset and chased him. By the end of the day, we got home and I was online when something showed up on my Facebook Newsfeed. My ex updated his location in the same Theme Park that day. I freaked out, it was true. What a bummer! Even the most exciting and fun thing to do (as innocent as going to a theme park) could turn into another disaster, oh well.
00:03:30:20 - Transformer Dilemma
So me and Nathan watched a new popular movie in the cinema. We got hurry from the office to catch up the premier which was predicted to be full of people. We even queued in a long line patiently. I thought that another disaster would come (like when we finally arrived into the counter, the ticket was sold out). But surprisingly, we got two great seats and went to the food court to wait for the showtime. The ticket was actually a little bit out of range but it didn't matter because we got it after a struggle called "queue-ing". Suddenly my mom called and angrily asked me to go home soon because (according to her) it's midnight already. Well, disaster came without anyone expect. We succeeded in buying the ticket and meaninglessly thrown it out later as Nathan asked me to just go home and obeyed my mom's command.
00:02:09:21 - Birthday Complexity
Disaster on a birthday? What could have been worse than that? Well yeah, for the first time in my life, I got stuck at my office on my birthday. My boss asked me to work overtime because there was some important deadlines. I don't need to go on the details about this disaster because I have told it thousand times above. But who could say that waiting outside the house full of mosquitos to give a birthday surprise for more than 3 hours was a nice lovely thing? Oh yeah everybody loves to give some blood charity to these cute mosquitos.
00:00:06:00 - Ultimate Disaster Countdown
I am honestly afraid as the countdown number getting fewer. The fact that Nathan will go outside the city as he accepted the promotion at his office in 6 more days is simply the greatest disaster above all. 6 more days from now, he's gone. And as i have experienced it, male friends are different with female friends. Unlike male friends, you could still connect with female friends who lived in another city. But with male friends, the excitement is when you really meet them and joke around. Texting regularly with male friends couldn't result any positive outcome. So yeah based on another experience, the friendship was completely over once they moved out..
There will be a farewell on Wednesday, but I don't know what happen after that.
And now, I am counting down..
to that one greatest last Disaster.
"Finally the prince met the princess and they married and lived happily ever after."
“Why does the prince always come at the end of the story, why couldn’t he come faster?”
“Let me ask you first, why wouldn’t you sleep faster, sweetheart? It’s night already. You have to go to school early tomorrow, okay.” She slowly pulled the blanket and turned off the light.
Closed the door behind her, she then walked down the street. No wonder the street was so quiet this time, it’s been midnight already. She walked across the street while suddenly two bright lights appeared in front of her. A car suddenly showed up without decreasing its speed.
And there's no time to get out of the way.
-------------------------------------------
"Who's calling you this early?" Felicia asked and showed up at Penelope's desk. “Hey Penny, are you listening?” She waved her hand at Penelope’s face.
"Yeah, sorry Fel, that is Mrs Cunningham Herbal something I guess, hahaha, she asked whether I get a headache, or feel confuse, and she knows the answer for my problem. I mean, please, I don't have any problem. Marketing strategy to sell stuff is getting way more creative nowadays. We have to learn from her. Anyway, I wanna thank you for the iPod Fel, it really understands me."
"No way Penny, it's nothing. Happy birthday to you once again! I'm glad you like it."
"No, no I mean, it really understands me. I played one song, and in the middle of the song, I feel like I wanna hear other song, let's say Michael Buble. And guess the next song? Exactly how I imagined it, I heard it. It always played that way."
Suddenly Michael Buble's Everything played on the iPod.
"See? So thank you so much for the gift Fel! I loved it so much."
"Yeah whatever, as long as you happy. So Penny, I stop by to tell you that I'm going out today, have another Market Visit with Henry! So see ya tomorrow mate!"
"Wait Fel, you look very happy today because of, these? Please Fel, I told you-"
“Penny, please, we have talked about this, and you have agreed with me right”
“Yeah I know Fel, you like him, he likes you, but you and Henry cannot be together because he is your supervisor”
“Yes Penny, if the relationship failed, me and Henry break up, I am literally in hell! Okay before you can say another word, which can make me late even more, I gotta go now. See ya tomorrow mate.” Felicia lifted her bag to her shoulder as she walked to the elevator.
But not until 5 minutes later, Felicia looked like she was forgetting something and ran back to Penelope's desk. “Hey Penny! Listen, I have just met your Prince came here riding his white horse” Felicia suddenly talked with the loudest voice she could ever shout while still caught her breath, followed by the loudest laugh that wasn’t helping at all.
“Bloody hell, turn down your volume Fel, the whole office can hear you for God sake!”
Felicia looked embarrassed for a while then continued with a very low pitched voice but still at the same amount of enthusiasm. “So listen Penny, I met this guy at the elevator, guess what he’s wearing! Guess what he looks like!”
“Feli sweetie, please. If you want to say something, can you slow down a little bit, please?”
“Alright, okay, so I have just met this guy at the elevator, not too thin, not to tall, dark brown hair-”
“blue eyes?”
“yes”
“not wearing a glasses?”
“exactly! And he wore a suit, real tiddy, and guess the other thing he brought!”
“what?!”
“a headphone connected to his iPod, and a cup of Starbucks!” shouted Felicia again.
“green tea soya latte?”
“exactly Penny, exactly! I mean who’ll go to Starbucks without buying a coffee?”
“Fel, you know me-”
“Yeah, and this guy! It was like you guys born to be with each other!”
“So why in the world I have never met this bloody amazing perfect Prince that you’re talking about Fel?”
“Because he is new here, Penny honey! I had a little conversation in the elevator, and he is a new employee on IT Department. His name is Leonard-"
"- Fitzroy" suddenly a good-looking man came to finish Felicia's sentence.
"Oh well, hello there, we met at the elevator- Penny, I got to go, it's late already, cheerio!" Felicia left as fast as she could, after making a nosy face behind Leo's back.
Now it's just Penelope and Leonard, and the awkwardness floated around them.
“Hey, nice iPod there!” Leo talked, broke the silence.
“Yeah, hi! We’ve never met right? Are you new here? I'm Penelope, Penelope Miles, but just call me Penny." Penelope shrugged her hands, offered a handshake.
"I'm, as you might have already known from your friend Felicia, I'm Leonard Fitzroy." He responded to the handshake.
"Well Leo, so welcome to the office. I heard you met my friend on the elevator. Please forgive her if she's a little bit loud and so cheerful, but she's one of the best girl I know."
"Yeah, inspiring, hahaha, anyway, I happened to be new at town as well. So would you come show me around? Let's say, a cup of coffee with me after office hour?" He asked while glanced at a Starbucks cup on her desk.
"Yeah, sure, why not.. Hey Leo"
“Yeah”
“Your face feels like familiar, have we met before?”
-------------------------------------------
"Good morning Penny!” Felicia got back to her cheerful yet annoying face. “So how was Friday?”
“Wow, it’s Monday already, how could days pass so fast?”
“Yeah yeah, time flies- Penny, please don’t change the subject.”
“I don’t wanna talk about it.”
“Why Penny why? I am dying here!” Felicia showed her very curious expression.
“Fine! You wanna hear it? Well Leo is not interested in me, he’s into you.”
“WHAT?!”
“Yeah he asked whether it was you who talked about him two days ago. He asked about your status, I said that you are single.”
“Well Penny, you know that I am with Henry-“
“But isn’t that make you still single right? Or is it?”
“Yes you’re right, I am single. Oh Penny how I wish life is as simple as fairytale. I like him, he likes me, we’re getting married and lived happily ever after.”
“Well, life is not a fairytale.”
“Yes it is not. Oh Penny, sometimes I just wish I can skip the process, right to the end where we live happily ever after. So I don’t have to get hurt, to have this pain, fear, uncertainty.”
“Yes Fel, you’re right. These all hurts. When would we be really happy?”
“Right now! What are you talking about Penny? Or is it the cold feet? Yes it might be! I got the cold feet too five months ago- but you stay with me the whole time- make me doing the right thing by marrying Henry, so I’m here for you right now.” It’s unbelievable how Felicia could just throw out a lot of things in one deep breath. She looked panic while still forcing a little smile on her face.
“Penny you better go now, go.” Felicia pushed her back a little then helped opening the big door.
Penelope looked around and got very shock. She walked down a long alley that turned out to be an aisle in a very long white dress. Her dad showed up and grabbed her right arm.
And right there in front of her was Leonard, stood still with the happiest face ever.
What is going on! What happen! It is not a relationship! It is a bloody marriage! A lot of things ran out of Penelope’s mind. Suddenly a big headache came, then the panic attacked. Shivering all over her body, she forced her stiff foot to slowly move ahead.
“Leonard Charles Fitzroy, do you take Penelope Arianna Miles to be your lawful wedded wife? Do you promise to be true to her in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, to love her and honor her all the days of your life?”
“I do”
“Penelope Arianna Miles, do you take Leonard Charles Fitzroy to be your lawful wedded husband? Do you promise to be true to him in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, to love him and honor him all the days of your life?”
“I err.. I”
The judging stared from the audiences made her headache even worse. The only things she knew about him was that, he’s not interested in her. He is into Felicia! The unsympathetic whispers started to be heard, got louder and louder. The cold wind crawled behind her neck, little by little, strangled her, crushed her heart. And the slight tremble came out of control in all part of her body as she tried to step forward. She breathed deeply then closed her eyes. The tears started to fill her eyes in, broke it into a thousand pieces. She couldn’t do it.
She couldn’t do it how she really wanted it so bad. She hated herself so much as she ran away outside the building. Penelope heard some footsteps behind her but she didn’t stop. She pulled herself in a narrow alley next to a red brick building, not so far from her marriage venue.
“Penny is it happening again?” The sound of an old lady from behind her back screwed the hell out of her. Penelope then looked upon and found a-middle-age woman stood behind her. She didn’t recognize that woman’s face.
“Who are you? How do you know my name?”
“Wait, you don’t remember? Oh so the memory’s disappeared when she did it.” The woman’s lower her voice like she was talking to herself before continued facing Penny and talked to her. ”Let me introduce myself, I am Bertha Cunningham. We are best friend here, but apparently we haven’t met in your current version of memory.”
“What did you mean? Wait, you are the woman who called me recently”
“Well, I had explained everything to you 3 months ago when we first met and you confusedly asked to me how you could suddenly ended up engage to Leo. Long story short, I guess I knew your problem. It’s in your mind.”
“I don’t understand” Penelope said weakly.
“You had a car accident three years ago, right? Dr Minkowski, your doctor, called and told me about your rare case which is also a part of my field research. You had an injury in your brain. There’s a paralyzed-brain-tissue, but you surprisingly survived while none others did. I tried to contact you ever since, but you never responded. Up until three months ago when you suddenly called me back and we met. Your facial expression was the same as I’ve seen today and you told me that you really confused, you were engaged to a person you didn’t even know. You told me: the last thing you knew, you were in your office answered to my phone call.” Dr Cunningham stopped for a while, then continued. “You know what? It doesn’t matter Penny, because you’ll forget and be your usual mind in a few minutes. Oh wait, Penny, what is the last thing you remember right now?”
“I was chatting with my friend about this new guy, Leo Fitzroy and suddenly I am marrying him! Wait Mrs Cunningham, what year is it right now?
“2017 Penny, why do you ask that?”
“I was chatting with Felicia at 2014! So my mind can do time-travel! I cannot believe it. And then you said it doesn’t matter, because I would forget all these 2017ish”
“I don’t know Penny, but I guess? You obviously forget the last time you visited here.”
“Well, life is not a fairytale.”
“Yes it is not. Oh Penny, sometimes I just wish I can skip the process, right to the end where we live happily ever after. So I don’t have to get hurt, to have this pain, fear, uncertainty-- Wait, Penny, hey Penny, are you even listening?” Felicia waved her hand at Penelope’s face, annoyed that Penelope has ignored her words again.
“Yeah sorry Fel, wait, what did you say?”
“Why did you daydreaming a lot recently Penny? What’s the matter? Have something in mind?”
“I don’t know Fel, I felt dizzy, I had a headache I guess.”
“Are you alright? You really have to get your total recovery from the accident Penny, you can still rest at home.”
“No I am fine Fel, hey what do you say before?”
“I said that I feel like I want to skip the process, Penny, right to the end where we lived happily ever after-“ suddenly Penelope interrupted Felicia’s word. “Fel, I feel like we’ve talked about this before, you and me, in this place, at the exact same condition.”
“What Penny? You mean like Déjà vu?”
“Yeah I guess Fel. So, yeah, in response to your statement, I should say that I disagree with it. I don’t feel like I want to skip the process Fel, I mean, the pain and the fear are the things, which keep happiness alive. If we live in the world of the every-second-is-happiness, then there would be no happiness at all. Everything would felt the same. And I think, if we skip the process, then we would have missed the struggle, then we would never learn to appreciate, to respect things more. All we can do is to find our purpose, to keep moving, to face all of our fear, whatever life may take us because, those are things that can make us stronger.” Penelope got closer to Felicia, continued her words. “And as for you Fel, you really are lucky that you have found one of your purpose, all you have to do is to walk through it, face it. I know you can do it.”
“I think you’re right Penny, I should talk to Henry now. I should take the risk and face all my fears, because it is worth it.” Felicia stood from the chair and walked towards the elevator before she stopped in the middle, got back to Penelope’s desk and said that very important word.
“It is not just me, i think you ALSO have found your purpose. Don’t give up on Leo yet, Penny.”
